Hangover
by Lovely Zelda
Summary: A story in which Hawkeye wakes up to an interesting surprise


Rating: Well, nothing too graphic. But the usual bondage and a few not so vague references to yaoi(which isn't all that bad really), pedophilia, bestiality, Oedipus complexes, and everything else you expect from Zelda! Especially foul language. The same term for Rini/Pegasus is repeated several times by assorted characters. Whoo-hoo! R ahoy!   
  
Other: First attempt at a new series—please be kind. Also, it kind of shifts back and forth in terms of whether it's the dub or not. Fisheye is male(mostly because it couldn't be more obvious in dubbing terms), but everyone has their dub names—except the Amazon Quartet whose dub names I never really pay attention to.(I also hate the term "Amazoness." Aren't all Amazons supposed to be female anyway?) Yes, it really is a bastardization of Super S. Especially once the Outers make an appearence and Bill Clinton jokes are made.   
  
Hawkeye woke up with a slight hangover, a vague memory of failure the day before, and the feeling of someone with long hair sleeping on his chest. He smiled. Favoring the "1, 2, 3" method of seduction over actually getting to know their victims, the Amazon Trio rarely scored. And if there was actually a living, breathing, naked female in his bed, Hawkeye would be taunting Tigereye for a month. Possibly two, depending how hot said living, breathing, naked female was.   
  
His nose wrinkled at a slight fishy smell. A part of Hawkeye that wasn't hoping to find a sophisticated example of womanhood on top of him was starting to feel worried. The larger, hopeful part quickly pushed it aside. He looked down and screamed.   
  
Fisheye sat up and yawned. "Morning!" he said in a cheerful falsetto.   
  
Hawkeye stared back at him. His mouth twitched into a frightened smile. "Hi, Fish," he said weakly. "You're not a girl, are you?" They both looked down at Fisheye's clear lack of breasts. Hawkeye sighed and thought something that very few people did. I miss the dub…   
  
"Oh, it isn't all bad, is it, Hawkeye?" asked Fisheye, smirking at him. "You seemed to enjoy it last night…"   
  
There was a struggle going on in Hawkeye's usually girl obsessed head. Fisheye tended to have a nasty temper, so Hawkeye would need a very polite way to explain things. "Fish, we hang out in a fucking bar. We all get a little wasted sometimes" would probably get him into trouble. Trouble he didn't even want to imagine. Especially since none of them ever seemed to get drunk. He'd seen what Fisheye had done to Tigereye's favorite tights after the blond had suggested that the blue haired boy's luck with men would be better if he didn't smell like the catch of the day.   
  
Somewhere deep inside Hawkeye's high heel wearing mind was a little voice that was trying to rationalize this whole thing by pointing out that Fisheye was practically a girl. Sort of. In the sense that he tended to dress like one. Of course, if that was the criteria for being female, the entire trio qualified for the opposite sex, once the skirts and massive earrings were taken into account. Fisheye wore the least amount of jewelry, actually…   
  
Fisheye, meanwhile, was beginning to suspect that Hawkeye wasn't feeling overly amorous. The look of mild horror wasn't exactly romantic. And Fisheye didn't take rejection very well. Eyes narrowing, he stood up, pulling a sheet with him, and shouted, "One!"   
  
"Fish, what the hell are you doing?"   
  
"Two!"   
  
Hawkeye began to look extremely disturbed as the shackles appeared and locked around his wrists and ankles. "You know I don't have a—"   
  
"Three!"   
  
Hawkeye glared as his teammate. "What's wrong with you? We don't have dream mirrors, remember?"   
  
"I know," said Fisheye, continuing to hold a sheet over his oft wondered about genitals. He continued to smirk. This was even better than the time he'd done this to Tigereye. Mostly just because Hawkeye was completely naked.   
  
"Then…" Hawkeye gasped dramatically. "You're…you're going to have your way with me, aren't you? You pervert!"   
  
"You're the one who called me 'Mommy' last night."   
  
"I did not!"   
  
  
***  
Elsewhere… "I'm so glad we're friends, Pegasus!" Rini said cheerfully.   
  
"So am I, little one," Pegasus replied from the crystal ball he used to talk to the pink haired girl. "Friends with benefits."   
  
"What?" asked Rini, looking confused.   
  
"I can show you what I mean…"   
  
"Okay!"   
  
"Rini, what is going on in here?" Serena asked from the doorway.   
  
"Nothing!" Rini said, quickly shielding the crystal ball.   
  
"I heard a guy in here," said Lita. She and the other desperate scouts were hovering behind Serena.   
  
"Yeah, where are you hiding him, Rini?" asked Raye.   
  
"You have Chad!" Lita and Mina snapped.   
  
"He sounded soo cute!" squealed Mina. "You have to tell us where you met him, Rini!"   
  
"I know this is probably a stupid question," Amy began from the hall, "but why exactly are you three asking a nine year old where she meets guys?"   
  
"As her future mother, I have a right to know what my daughter is doing!" Serena said nobly. "And you just wait until your future father hears about this, young lady!"   
  
Rini was beginning to sweatdrop. And starting to wish she was off in Elysian, bordering on bestiality.   
  
"As for them, they're just really, really desperate," Serena said.   
  
"Shut up, Serena!" snapped Mina.   
  
"We can't all have a destined someone who puts up with us for no apparent reason," added Lita.   
  
Raye nodded. "If not for that whole destiny thing, Darien could do so much better."   
  
"He could not!" Serena screamed. "And he wouldn't want to anyway!"   
  
  
***  
Back at the Dead Moon Circus, Hawkeye was still starting to sort out several new sensations. Enjoying being strapped down was a familiar one that was accompanied, as always, with an urge to dress like Britney Spears and be spanked by a woman dressed up like a school teacher.   
  
"Are you sorry?" Fisheye asked.   
  
Hawkeye meant to ask why he would be sorry. Instead, he asked, "Do you have a ruler?"   
  
"What?"   
  
"Nothing."   
  
Fisheye smiled that smug, "I slept with you and you liked it and I'll probably tell Tigereye and possibly even the hooker quartet about this" smile that Hawkeye was starting to hate with a fierce and undying passion. He was also starting to hate a certain traitorous body part that was fueling the majority of Fisheye's smirk. That traitorous body part was starting to influence the rest of him as Fisheye slowly approached. By the time the blue haired fem-boy was standing in front of him, every nerve in Hawkeye's body was insisting that he lunge forward. Thanks to the shackles, he was instead left squirming like someone about to have their beautiful dream invaded—except for the fact that his head was leaning as far forward as it would go and his tongue was practically hanging out.   
  
"Apologize," Fisheye repeated.   
  
"For what?"   
  
"For pretending you didn't enjoy it."   
  
"Look, Fish, I'm sorry but…I like women. Real ones." Hawkeye swallowed nervously. "And we do drink a—kkkkkhhhnngh!" Hawkeye began to turn purple as his naked crotch found out exactly how long Fisheye's fingernails were.   
  
"Just women?" asked Fisheye.   
  
"Yes?" Hawkeye replied. If he closed his eyes, he could almost see the school teacher...   
  
His eyes snapped open again as Fisheye tightened his grip. "Have you seen what you wear?"   
  
"Uh-huh…"   
  
"Lavender."   
  
"So?" Hawkeye tried to find a focal point other than Fisheye's skeptical expression. "It matches my hair…"   
  
"Not just lavender, but a lavender skirt. And lavender tights. And you still think you're completely straight?"   
  
"Mostly?"   
  
Hawkeye was thrown off completely when Fisheye's touch became more gentle. "Don't you know that everyone is inherently bisexual?" he asked.   
  
Hawkeye had to ask. "Are you?"   
  
Fisheye wrinkled his nose. "Don't be disgusting!" he snapped. "I can't—"   
  
"Fish, please don't say what I think you're going to say. It's too early for irony."   
  
  
***  
In another room, Tigereye was sitting in front of his mirror, brushing his hair and sulking. "No one in this crappy city appreciates my beauty," he said. "It's not like her dreams were even that great. And those stupid pumpkins didn't let me kill the bitch!" He slammed his brush down on the vanity and reached for his favorite earrings: the really big and ugly ones. He pouted at his reflection. The only thing that could make him possibly feel better at this point was actually getting some action. He stood up and decided to go see what sort of mood the rest of the rogues gallery was in.   
  
  
***  
As Fisheye pressed against him, Hawkeye was going to try to argue. As he felt a scaly hand brush against the back of his neck and begin to toy with one of his curls, he decided that he was just going to have to say that although they were a team, and,despite his usual apathy, he did care about his teammates very much, it was a platonic sort of caring. Except when Fisheye was putting on make-up, but that was still a platonic sort of lust. In a matter of seconds, Hawkeye had a well phrased, tactful, and intelligent argument as to why he should be untied and allowed to head straight to the bar and proceed to drink away any memories of the night before. This argument naturally went to hell the instant Fisheye kissed him.   
  
"Were you going to say something?" Fisheye asked, running a ruby red fingernail down Hawkeye's chest.   
  
"Fish, I don't think…" Hawkeye paused as Fisheye licked his nipple, then slowly began to work his way downward.   
  
"Hmm?"   
  
"You promise you won't tell Tigereye?"   
  
  
***  
"They're all gone now, Pegasus," Rini whispered. "Now, what were you saying before?"   
  
"About being friends with benefits?"   
  
"Uh-huh."   
  
Pegasus sighed. He felt mildly guilty about this. "Maybe we should wait until you're a bit older, little one…"   
  
Rini's red eyes narrowed, making Pegasus think of an evil, pink rabbit. "I'm tired of waiting until I'm older! Tell me now!"   
  
Pegasus was starting to suspect that he'd chosen the wrong tactic.   
  
  
***  
"What do you want?" asked JunJun, glaring at Tigereye.   
  
"You are the ball loving Amazon Quartet, aren't you?" Tigereye asked.   
  
VesVes, CereCere, and JunJun groaned while PallaPalla's face lit up. "Yes!" PallaPalla said cheerfully, causing her teammates to glare at her. "What? We play with balls all the time…And what's the point of being a little kid if you don't get to play?"   
  
"If I hear that joke one more time…" JunJun muttered.   
  
CereCere and VesVes exchanged a glance. They were only minutes away from finding a burlap sack to stuff their blue haired companion into.   
  
"My thoughts exactly," said Tigereye. He sidled over to CereCere. She stomped on his foot.   
  
  
***  
Serena and Darien were meanwhile pooling their spying efforts at Darien's apartment. "I think it's an older guy," said Darien. "Which is just bad news…do you know what older guys do to younger girls?"   
  
"I think I can guess," said Serena, leering at him. "Want to remind me?"   
  
"Serena! Our only daughter is being stalked by some…some…pedophile!"   
  
"Darien, what's the big deal?" Serena whined. "So she's interested in some white haired guy—"   
  
"Professor Tomoe?" shouted Darien, standing up and pounding his fist on an end table. "I'll kill him!"   
  
"Darien, calm down!" Serena sighed. "She also told Mina and Amy that he has a long face, remember?"   
  
Darien sat back down. "I guess I kind of over reacted," he said. "Are you sure it's not Professor Tomoe?"   
  
"Yes, I'm sure. Besides, what would you do? Throw a bouquet at him?"   
  
"Hey, those roses have saved your bimbo ass a few times!"   
  
"You'd better remember who's got the real powers around here and who just says a few cruddy speeches, Mister!"   
  
"You don't do anything! You just wait until the other scouts have killed themselves trying to defeat the monster, then you get Rini to call that stupid horse!"   
  
"What?! You can't talk to me that way! I'm the future queen of Crystal Tokyo!"   
  
"Well, I'm the future king of Crystal Tokyo!"   
  
"So? It's a matriarchy!"   
  
"You don't even know what that word means!"   
  
"I do so!" Serena suddenly remembered something that had been said earlier. "Darien, what color is the stupid horse Rini always summons?"   
  
Darien turned pale. "White," he said.   
  
"You don't think that…" Serena began. "Well, she doesn't get it from my side of the family!"   
  
"Let's ask Rini if we ever have any more children," Darien said dejectedly. "Ones that actually look like me."   
  
"She doesn't look like me either!" complained Serena.   
  
  
***  
The Amazon Quartet had severely wounded Tigereye's pride. And his foot. And also his most prized possessions once they'd started chucking balls at him with deadly accuracy. There was only one thing that could cheer him up now…and unfortunately, he'd made the mistake of questioning Hawkeye's taste in women the other day. Now the picture of any target under the age of 30 was hidden somewhere amongst Hawkeye's possessions. And if Hawkeye had been angry enough to burn the pictures like he'd threatened to, there was always something else that could cheer Tigereye up.   
  
He paused at Hawkeye's door. He thought he'd heard someone whimper, "Mommy." He shuddered, hoping he wasn't about to walk in on Hawkeye and some old bat again. He slowly turned the doorknob, hoping that was enough warning.   
  
Tigereye entered and froze. "Fish?" he asked, staring at something he never expected to see: Hawkeye gripping Fisheye by the hair while the latter gave the former a Lewinsky.   
  
"Mmph?" asked Fisheye.   
  
"Tigereye?" asked Hawkeye, turning pale at the prospect of being pushed out of the closet.   
  
Hawkeye and Fisheye stared back at their teammate. Tigereye continued to glare at Fisheye. "Fish, what the hell are you doing?" he snapped.   
  
Fisheye disengaged himself and stood up. "What does it look like I'm doing?" he replied, wiping his mouth. He snapped his fingers, releasing Hawkeye.   
  
Hawkeye started slinking towards his clothes. He wasn't quite sure why Fisheye, whose drag-clad motto seemed to be "say it loud, say it proud, and start saying it when the target is an artist who keeps talking about fairies", was getting most of Tigereye's scrutiny. Still, the sooner he was dressed and drunk, the better. Maybe Zirconia's withered ass had found a few targets with dignity instead of the usual collection of school girls and wide eyed children. Someone mature. Someone with a little experience. Maybe even a few grey hairs…   
  
"And why are you so happy?" snapped Tigereye.   
  
"No reason," Hawkeye said quickly as he started to wrap a piece of lavender cloth around his chest. "I'm not happy at all."   
  
"I didn't make you happy?" asked Fisheye, glancing into the bathroom where a line of pantyhose hung over the tub.   
  
"Didn't he?" added Tigereye.   
  
"What do you care?" asked Hawkeye.   
  
Fisheye's gaze darted to a pair of dark purple high heels. He grabbed one and stomped towards the bathroom.   
  
Tigereye gave Hawkeye a sympathetic look then seemed to remember what he'd just walked in on and scowled. "Fish?" Hawkeye asked nervously. "What're you doing?"   
  
"I'm going to flush your shoe," Fisheye said, dangling the pump over the toilet.   
  
Hawkeye quickly glanced around the room before lunging towards a pile of blue fabric. He pulled up one of Fisheye's high heels. "Then I'm going to burn your shoes," Hawkeye said.   
  
Fisheye screamed like a girl and hurled Hawkeye's shoe into the toilet.   
  
Hawkeye spit fire onto Fisheye's shoe then dropped it into the trashcan.   
  
Tigereye wanted to run. Fisheye's miffed attitude was obviously contagious, and it was only minutes before Tigereye's beloved boots were targeted. He could tell he was safe for the moment when Fisheye and Hawkeye ran towards their desecrated footwear, both of them looking like they were on the verge of tears.   
  
  
***  
"Ohh, Pegasus, your world is so beautiful…" Rini sighed, happily dreaming away. "I wish I was big again too…"   
  
"Wake up, you little horse fucker!" shouted Serena, shaking her future daughter and dislodging the grey kitten who'd been sleeping on Rini's head. "You've got some explaining to do!"   
  
"Wha?" asked Rini, blinked several times.   
  
"It's bad enough you that I had to put up with you trying to steal Darien but now you've gone from incest to bestiality!" Serena continued to scream.   
  
"Go 'way. I'm tired," Rini mumbled.   
  
"Serena, leave her alone," said Luna. "She's just a child."   
  
"What's a horse fucker?" asked Diana.   
  
  
***  
The hair pulling among the Amazon Trio had started. Hawkeye and Fisheye were on the floor, both wearing one shoe each, and having the mother of all cat fights. Fisheye had managed to pull on his foam bodysuit, but it was rapidly sliding down his shoulders, and Hawkeye's toga like top and tights seemed to have a limited lifespan. Still, Hawkeye naturally had the advantage when it came to hair pulling and was tugging on Fisheye's ponytail. Tigereye felt both left out and very turned on. This could have conceivably gone on for hours, or at least until the end of a looming threesome that none of the Trio would ever have talked about under pain of death. Unfortunately, Zircon flew in and gave them all the evil eye. Which was about all Zircon could do, but it was enough to remind Hawkeye, Tigereye, and Fisheye that there were targets to be leered at, leaders to bitch about, and martinis to drink. Otherwise there would be blackmail pictures to be taken, and Zirconia hadn't been especially impressed by the last cat fight photos. The trio trudged off to their bar, pulling any remaining clothing into place and with Hawkeye and Fisheye stumbling slightly due to the fact that one side of their bodies was three inches higher than the other.   
  
They plopped down in their usual seats—Hawkeye on one end, Fisheye on the other, and Tigereye in the middle. All three grabbed a picture in unison. "Dammit, it's all old bats," said Tigereye.   
  
"Eww, it's all women," said Fisheye.   
  
"And this one doesn't interest me at all," said Hawkeye, chucking a picture of a woman in her thirties over his shoulder. He started to rifle through the pictures, looking for someone with a few streaks of grey.   
  
Of course, the testosterone was flowing like water among the Trio, giving most of them the urge to declare some random person a target and maybe get around to checking for beautiful dreams at some point. Maybe. Tigereye stood up. "I wonder if CereCere has beautiful dreams," he wondered aloud.   
  
"Why would those whores have beautiful dreams if we don't?" asked Fisheye, with a slight note of bitterness in his voice. He quickly downed another drink.   
  
"I'd better check," said Tigereye.   
  
Hawkeye and Fisheye exchanged a glance. "If you're going to strike out, shouldn't it at least be for business purposes?" asked Hawkeye.   
  
The three of them froze, each one realizing at the same time that Hawkeye and Fisheye were going to be left alone together. "Maybe you're—" Tigereye began. He was cut off when the other 2/3rds of his team leapt to their feet, each of them holding a picture.   
  
"Found one!" Hawkeye and Fisheye chorused. Then they actually looked down at the targets they'd chosen, sweatdropped, and traded.   
  
  
***  
It was a peaceful sunny day where the Outers had decided to flee. Amara, Michelle and Trista were lying outside on the grass, working on their tans when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Michelle volunteered.   
  
Trista glanced at her watch. "Oh shit," she muttered. "I'll be back in a second…Small Lady's mother is about to kill her…" With that, the green haired guardian of time hurried off to continue her duties as the royal family babysitter.   
  
Amara rolled over to tan her back and had just closed her eyes when she heard a voice say, "Hello there."   
  
She looked up and saw a blue haired girl smiling down at her. Amara did what she always did in situations like this: dropped her voice half an octave, hid her chest, and hoped Michelle didn't overhear anything. "Hi," she replied in her usual sultry monotone.   
  
Meanwhile, a blond man was at the door and ignoring all attempts at subtlety. "You're so beautiful," he said to Michelle. "I think we're soul mates. Wanna fuck?"   
  
"No, I don't," said Michelle, preparing to slam the door.   
  
"Wait, I'm sorry I just…I have Tourette's Syndrome," the blonde quickly added.   
  
Sailor Pluto pushed past them, tugging on her gloves as she walked. "Dammit, Serena," she muttered. "You don't deserve a man like His Highness…Although," she added to herself as she broke into a run, "since I can't technically change time…because if it was going to happen differently I'd remember it…" The Senshi of Time paused. She could feel another one of those headaches coming on. It only worsened when she saw a pink haired figure dressed like Mini-Moon beaming at her. Only this Mini-Moon had darker, shorter looking hair and was a few inches taller than "Puu."   
  
"Puu, help!" "Mini-Moon" whined. "My age is all screwed up again."   
  
"Mini-Moon, is that…really you?" asked Sailor Pluto.   
  
The most likely counterfeit Mini-Moon held up Luna-P. "Of course, Puu! I've even got this stupid cat thing!"   
  
"Who are you and why are you doing this?" asked Pluto, obviously ready to open up a can of Deadly Scream on the imposter's ass.   
  
  
***  
Amara, unlike Michelle and Sailor Pluto, was enjoying herself immensely. She'd found a baggy T-shirt to pull on while the blue haired girl wasn't looking and was now giving the aforementioned girl a backrub. "What nice skin you have," the blonde whispered.   
  
The blue haired girl giggled. "Thank you," she said, starting to lean back.   
  
Amara slid her hands lower in an attempt to steal second. Both girls screamed in unison. "You're a man!" screamed Amara.   
  
"You're a woman!" shrieked the blue haired girl, hurrying to her feet. She snapped her fingers, causing a blue curtain to come down. The curtain rose, revealing Fisheye. "One!" the bishounen snapped. "Two! Three!"   
  
Amara looked down, slightly confused. "That's not a heart crystal," she said, staring at the dream mirror.   
  
Fisheye stared at her. "A what?" he asked.   
  
  
***  
Tigereye was already several steps ahead and staring into Michelle's beautiful dreams. "Oh, it's just her and some guy," he said. Just as he was about to pull his head back out of the dream mirror, he noticed something. "Two chicks," he said, happily leaning back in to get a better view of some beautiful dreams.   
  
  
***  
Seeing that drag and blatant lies weren't going to work, Hawkeye had gone back to one of his old tactics: falling to his knees and sobbing. "You just look so much like my mother," he wailed, clinging to the time guardian's legs.   
  
Sailor Pluto tried to shake him off and failed.   
  
  
***  
"Gaaakkkk!" Rini hissed, fumbling for her transformation broach while her future mother strangled her.   
  
"No daughter of mine is going to be a sexual deviant!" Serena screamed.   
  
"At least she's not a lesbian any more," Luna muttered.   
  
Serena and Rini stared at her. Pegasus' jaw dropped. He'd been watching from his little orb on Rini's night stand. "What's deviant about that?" asked Serena, who'd been linked with Raye, Mina, Amy, Lita, Amara, and would be linked with Seiya sometime in the near future.   
  
"You were a lesbian, little one?" asked Pegasus.   
  
"We're just…close friends," Rini whispered.   
  
"Who are you talking to you little pervert?" screeched Serena. "You just wait until your future father gets here!"   
  
Serena probably would have screamed until one of her lungs imploded. Instead, a heavy metal object clonked her in the back of the head. "Puu! You came back!" Rini happily exclaimed. Pegasus' eyes narrowed.   
  
"I am your future queen," said a dazed Serena from the floor. "Rini, call your boyfriend so I can teach this traitor a lesson!"   
  
"Oh, give it up, Serena," snapped Luna.   
  
Diana had started poking her future mother with one paw. "What's a horse fucker?" she whined.   
  
"I'll tell you when you're older!" Luna snapped.   
  
  
***  
Once again a dejected Amazon Trio was sitting at their bar. "If Zirconia's so smart, why doesn't he find that stupid horse?" Tigereye muttered.   
  
"I thought that withered old corpse was a woman," said Hawkeye.   
  
"Oh, who cares?" snapped Fisheye. "I can't believe that happened…"   
  
"Yeah, I thought the blonde was a guy too," said Tigereye. He sighed happily. "Then I looked into the green haired girl's beautiful dreams…"   
  
"I have to shower," said Fisheye.   
  
"Are you going to take three hours in there this time?" asked Hawkeye. "I need to wash my hair."   
  
Fisheye glared at him. "I can't help it if filthy things keep touching me!"   
  
"Cats aren't filthy," muttered Tigereye. "They're very clean animals!"   
  
Hawkeye and Fisheye stared at him in disgust. "They lick themselves," said Hawkeye.   
  
"You just wish you were that flexible," Tigereye replied.   
  
Hawkeye and Fisheye stared at him, their expressions an interesting blend of envy and shock. "You can't really do that," said Fisheye.   
  
"I'll bet you the keg in the back," said Tigereye.   
  
"You're on," Hawkeye and Fisheye said in unison.   
  
  
***  
"Where did you get those bruises?" Amy asked Rini while Serena held an ice pack to her head.   
  
"Serena tried to strangle me," said Rini.   
  
"Because she's having an affair with Pegasus!" shrieked Serena.   
  
Diana looked at her future father. "Daddy, what's a horse fucker?" she asked.   
  
Artemis glared at Luna. "I think you need to start spending more time at my house," he said.   
  
"She didn't hear it from me!" Luna protested.   
  
"Since I'm the Sailor Soldier of Love, I'll explain," Mina offered. "A horse fucker is someone who—oww!" she screamed as Artemis bit her ankle.   
  
"That's enough, Mina! It's bad enough Serena's already corrupted my daughter!"   
  
  
***  
Hawkeye and Fisheye were staring wide eyed at their teammate. "Wow," said Fisheye.   
  
"That's pretty impressive," Hawkeye agreed.   
  
Tigereye uncoiled himself with a smug smile, tugging his assorted pieces of spandex back into place. "Where's my keg?"   
  
"Why do you even bother going after targets?" asked Hawkeye. "Especially since you keep choosing inept little bimbos?"   
  
As the familiar argument started up, Fisheye returned his attention to his ever present martini and an unseen Zircon flew off.   
  
  
***  
"I just want someone to tell me what it means," Diana said sadly.   
  
She was ignored, since the Sailor scouts were still screaming about what they'd just discovered. "I love him and our love is pure and beautiful and you're just trying to name it dirty because you're jealous, Serena!" snapped Rini.   
  
"It's not pure and beautiful! He's a horse!" screamed Serena.   
  
"I used to be human," Pegasus muttered from his place on Rini's nightstand.   
  
"And why would I be jealous?" Serena continued in an octave that some bats had trouble reaching. "I don't have the hots for an animal!"   
  
"He's not an animal!" Rini screamed back.   
  
"Maybe we should come back later," Amy suggested.   
  
"My future daughter is in love with a horse and you want to come back later?" Serena shrieked.   
  
"I think my ears are bleeding," muttered Raye.   
  
"You're not the only one," said Artemis.   
  
  
***  
Zirconia sighed sadly. Neherenia was in another one of her moods. It probably had something to do with that whole constant failure thing. Zircon flew in, then projected a pile of photographs into its master's withered hand. Zirconia immediately brightened. "At least those three aren't failures at everything," she rasped, happily looking over the pictures of Tigereye's demonstration. "Excellent work, Zircon. I'm sure we can look for Pegasus tomorrow…"   
  
If Zircon could have smiled, it would have. It knew who was the favorite in the circus tent. Satisfied with itself, the little eyeball flew off to fulfill the wishes of a few other circus members.   
  
  
***  
Later, Fisheye entered his room and smiled when he noticed the figure sitting on his bed. "This is a surprise," he said.   
  
"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" asked Tigereye.   
  
"I don't see why you're so upset," Fisheye replied. "Since we both went after targets today…"   
  
"But that's business."   
  
"And that was a team building exercise." Fisheye started to take off his earrings. "And after dealing with someone who's nothing but muscle, I needed some intelligent conversation."   
  
Tigereye scowled. "Who do you think is a better dresser?" he asked.   
  
"Honestly?"   
  
"Honestly."   
  
"I think you both look terrible."   
  
Tigereye started to turn red. "Look who's talking, Fish! You look like a queer Michelin man!"   
  
Fisheye snorted. "Your fashion sense was insulted by Tuxedo Mask."   
  
"Touché, Fish. Touché."   
  
Fisheye unzipped his Michelin-style attire to his navel and shrugged out of it, revealing his bare shoulders. "Although, the thought of you two fighting…"   
  
Tigereye moved to behind Fisheye and put his hands on the other man's shoulders. "Why can't I stay mad at you, Fish?"   
  
Fisheye let out a throaty laugh as Tigereye began to kiss his neck. "Because CereCere was busy?"   



End file.
